I bet your brain is scrambling to get this one. You’re either thinking I’ve made a typo, or you’ve read it wrong, and you’re re-reading it. Again.
You’re not reading it wrong. There can be such a thing as a Happy Divorce, if you want it. I get it. I see it every day in my practice; Couples come in for counselling to see if they can repair all the hate, acrimony, and distaste they’ve built up and created for and about each other. It’s like an untreated scrape that becomes infected to the point no bandaid, over-the-counter, or antibiotics can heal. It’s become pure disgust. You want out. They want out, and it’s become nasty, hurtful, venomous, making life hell for you, and you can’t help but react with shudder, hurt, and with an inconceivable and inexplicable inability to understand their behaviour, and how could they.
The writing may have been on the wall for sometime already, but it's almost easier to stay, in misery, because it's become the 'new normal'. But that behaviour, oh that behaviour. They’re angry. Resentful. Jealous even. And here is where the ugly comes into play; Ego. Oh Ego, you’re a nasty one. Ego is all this anger, resentment, jealousy, and everything negative that can possibly emanate from thoughts, to words, to actions, to their ears, and then Ego oozes out more hurt, selfishness, anger, resentment and jealousy. It’s nasty stuff.
This, is where the happy divorce belies. Words and behaviour of malcontent and hurt are of no real benefit or usefulness, so why bother reacting. Respond. Perspective and perception play a critical role here, and will help you every time you feel hurt or anger.
The big question is, why make it about you? While it may be a natural reaction to take it personally and go on defence, save your energy and keep even-keeled, and instead, choose to respond. And here's the best part; your best response may be no response at all. That's right. No response at all. Or, maybe a 'thank you, I'll get back to you'. And do that, when you're calm and can think. Then, implement ways to detoxify, and find a trusted, unbiased, impartial, and non-judgemental Professional, like myself, to vent to, and to help put things into perspective for you so you can move forward in your power.
'Why are they doing this', is the biggest question I get. My answer is always the same, and then, there's some understanding, some peace, some light at the end of the tunnel. Now comes the time to move on.
Are there more constructive, productive, and integrous way to move forward towards a happy divorce? There are.