Have you been thinking it? Have you been sensing it?
Did the holidays put you or your marriage over the edge this year? Is it done? Is the marriage really over? Year after year, there are more thoughts of divorce occurring over the holidays than at any other time during the year, and consistently, the separation and divorce rates are highest in January, and so are Separation and Divorce rates.
January is ominously referred to as ‘Divorce Month’, superseding September, when its back to school, and ‘back to reality’ as the summer ends, and it's yet another month when more couples separate and divorce. It was recently written in the Huffington Post, that ‘most disenchanted husbands and wives begin searching for information on divorce (immediately) after the holidays,’ but many think about it for months before. It’s a big, life-changing, and scary decision, to separate or divorce, and couples often use the "D" word a lot, in the months and years preceding actually moving on.
During the entire month of January, my practice is running on full capacity. I receive many desparate phone calls asking me to help them understand why their (soon to be Ex) spouse is behaving so badly, or treating them in nasty and disrespectful ways., with language just as abhorrent and hurtful. The answer is usually the same; anger, resentment, jealousy, ego.
But why January?
Most couples stay in unhappy relationships for the kids. And most of these couples have been going back and forth for a long time about why stay, how long to stay, and then, when is the best time for them, to end it. The answer is January, after the holidays. No one wants to ruin the holidays for the children, so they wait, until after they’re over.And then it hits you. Wham, out of nowhere. They want a divorce. You want a divorce.
Emotions are a contributing factor too, as they tend to run high during the holidays, along with other stresses and stressors such as money, in-laws, tax filings, and work. It’s a time many people really contemplate on how they want their future to look, and consider how things have been, how they want them to be, and what you no longer want. What many people see however, is that it’s easier to get out, rather than to work on things to stay in. That, of course, depends on existing issues, the temperment of the relationship, and how much anger, conflict, and acrimony there may be. Now it becomes a value proposition, unique to every one and every relationship. And yes, sometimes some couples are better together apart, or simply, just better, apart.
Have you been thinking about separation or divorce? Is it time to move forward?